Chained...

A new piece with a new style but the same concept. Stripped and chained. Vulnerable and hurt, nailed to reality like Jesus to his cross. There is really no chance to escape this bond. No knife could cut it, not even the cold hands of death could untangle it. There must be a way out, I just don't see it. My brain is full of adrenaline, blood pumped in my veins with high pressure, my mind lost in the fore coming seizure euphoria.
Chained to sleepless nights, drowning in fear and paranoia, all as a result of...past trauma. I wear my scars with pride.

Hide thy scars

Some scars we can hide. Some we cannot, no matter how hard we try. They can be seen in our eyes, in the way we walk, in the way our spirit seems to lay heavy onto our bodies. Some of them can be seen on our skin or in the way we respond to what happens to us in daily life.
The past makes us who we are. Not only our past...our ancestors past is within us. Not many feel bonded with their own history, they were born without wings...
The future is what we make it today...the future was decided that moment when you caved into one's smile, into the perfect moment that reaps your mind obsessively, in that second that you wish you would have kept still...in warm frozen time, so that you can forever gaze into those eyes that gently rape your soul.
It is not hard to believe, our hearts are truly meant to be broken time after time until old age or the quick twist of a long sharp blade.
Until next time...think of what you lost, and let just one tear cut open your soul while streaming down your face.

If they weren't yours

So it was that I was gone that summer morning
And I knew it was forever,
Warmth spread beyond my body into my heart
My misery went away,
And into someone else's heart.
Never will I find a friend
A vivid composer, a lover
To deserve my sweet damnation.
Why should one be alone in his suffering?
He would do his best to spread it everywhere
Around him, and in everyone
Who would dare to look beyond his eyes.
If you'd ever want to hurt
The one who placed his heart
In your trembling hands,
Gave you the dagger
And let you make the decision
Of killing him or setting him free,
You just use your selfishness.
You might watch him die,
And crawl at your feet, begging
And you will laugh
But he will cry
Now and forever.
"You filthy dog! it's what you are!
How dare  you leave me,
When I was the one who will ever deserve
To share your bed and bend your heart!
Where hath the love from your eyes gone?
Was I not the one who never deceived you?
Was I not the one who has tasted your blood and shed tears?"
Feeding from my suffering, my pain, my dreams
Life had left my body
Leaving me in front of an empty mirror reflection
Of my former self.
"But you will never leave me, will you?"
"Never! My blood is yours, as are these veins,
And my heart, my dreams, my tainted sad poems,
These scars...would you have kissed them if they weren't yours?"

I knew

Where are you now? Where will you be when I will be away? Where haunt thee? witch doors are you knocking to? And in the end ... what do you care?I leave you behind, haha! I'll leave you ... you fade in everyday life, drowning yourself in the crowd, mammoth sun of hell! Sink, as I shall raise strong, baptized in blood and fire! and you will sit back and think. Will you not stop me? Do not you want revenge? (... Alas! was this a premonition that at the time I wrote it?)
Are not thee the one who told me that every hour hurts? Hmm ... but you argue about it now monsiuer. You are becoming happier. Even besides that, how can you hurt a wretched man? existing only physically and drained ... Spiritually, mentally dissected, visceral grief?
"Give me an answer!"  howls Elise full of balls ... and they say she's shy :))
But shut up. Why should you keep the silence? Why do not yell at me like usual? Why do you not swear? Why not hit me with bestiality? Why not try to strangle me? Maybe this time I'll even manage to die. I can do it, I'm sure of it, I just need a little help! And you know it! Only every time you see how close I was. But you always stopped. It's nice to see me as I struggle in my days of suffering, than to give proof of decency and put an end to my pain. And do not you stop at a greater cause. I know the pain, and you remain indifferent to my suffering. To my tears, my cries and my nightmares. I wake up at night screaming ... I dream i die.  i die horribly. I'm afraid of freedom .... I fear, are am a coward .... like you.
Nights I walk alone on the streets. Cool ass cars honk and a punk invites me in. Hood boys look at me as i pass them by and not once happened for one to touch me. it happened a few times... only a few times ... I had to deal with rapists. Where were you then? Bathing in indifference and yet you wondered where was i. So that when I return, you can corporally punish mefor things i did not do. I stand under your abusive domination.